I feel like giving up

23 Now Jesus himself was about thirty years old when he began his ministry. He was the son, so it was thought, of Joseph

Luke 3:23

The past few weeks have been hard to say the least, as a matter of fact the past few months have been exhausting. Risking everything for your calling is no easy task. I’ve been thinking about Jesus and the verse above. 
For thirty years he walked around knowing his purpose, knowing who he was but was hidden. Could you imagine knowing that you are the son of the most high God and being hidden behind just being the son of Joseph. His ministry didn’t start until he was thirty years old. Now I am in no way comparing myself or my life to that of our saviour, but we are to learn from his teachings and the way he lived his life.  
I’ve been writing for the past 20 years, I feel that my purpose in life is to be an Author. It started with poems to try to express the confused emotions of a pre-teen. It then moved on to Journaling my life as a troubled teenager to deal with pain and anguish. I had to stop for a moment and think about the reason I write now? It was easier back then writing about pain and anger because when I shared my work people Identified with it.

“I went through a period of refusing to write, though I had lots to write about, as a sort of rebellion of putting out yet another sad story….”

I stopped writing for a while because life became somewhat good. I was no longer angry or depressed and I found it hard to write about my new found happiness. I tried for a while but it just seemed fake. But how could it be fake if that was how I really felt?  That “happiness” soon left me as my life started turning upside down and guess what, I could write again.
I hated the fact that I had to be unhappy to be able to write. That’s just crazy! Then I started hearing stories of artist who felt the same way. I love to write but I hate being sad, I hate being sad but I’m able to write when i’m sad, do see the conundrum? I went through a period of refusing to write, though I had lots to write about, as a sort of rebellion of putting out yet another sad story. I didn’t want people to Identify with my sadness, I wanted them to Identify with my happiness. I didn’t know what to do, then God brought me out into the wilderness.
Right after Jesus started his ministry he was led out to the wilderness and for forty days he was tempted by the devil. For forty days all he had to stand on was who he knew God to be and who God called him to be. The devil’s objective during those forty days was to test just that.
These past few months have truly opened my eyes to who I really am. I came to this realization once I hit rock bottom and wanted to give up. I was having trouble expressing myself because I didn’t truly know myself. I could write when I was angry and hurt because I had a real familiarity with anger and pain. I couldn’t write when I was happy because I totally rejected my past pain and only focused on who I wanted to be, which is why it felt fake. 
I had to release those things and learn to appreciate both my past pain and my present happiness.  I was forced to find joy in my moments of hardship. I’m not saying I go around smiling 24/7 but even when I do feel sadness I’m able to stay positive in the midst of my trials. I then realized that I could draw strength from past pain to encourage others towards happiness.  You don’t have to hold on to an emotion to draw from it. When you become secure within yourself and who God made you to be you have the ability to draw from every area of your life without anything consuming you. 
What gift do you possess? What area of weakness are you drawing from? Have you attempted or completely resolved those issues? Have you found strength within that weakness? These are the questions you have to ask yourself before you can become secure fully in who God made you to be and to do what he called you to do.
I write all of this to say, when you feel like giving up it is a prompting to draw closer to God. Once you become secure in Christ you’ll be able to perform at your highest capacity. Don’t give up, give it to God. 
Today’s prayer:
Dear Lord,
Some of us are hanging on by a thread. Father open the eyes of our heart, we want to see you. We want to feel your presence with us forever and always. Guide us to see you more clearly, to see the plans you have for our lives. Lord remove all feelings of doubt, sadness and anger. Show us who we are ! We thank you for all that you are doing, will do and have already done. 
In Jesus’ mighty name!

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