I’ve been on the journey of singleness for about seven years now. I wish I could tell you I entered into this season of my life graceful and full of hope but in all actuality I entered in kicking and screaming. I was heartbroken from my previous relationship; I was hopeless, confused and lonely. Looking back at it now, it was the perfect state to be in for our healer and redeemer to mold and create in me the woman I was meant to be. Without being broken I wouldn’t have noticed the buried wounds that I thought were closed from past hurts, wounds I that I thought I did a good job of patching up and pushed to the side. I wonder how many of us do a self-check before we go to God for a mate; either you do the self-check or he will surely check you.
My “forced” self-check came after a year of being single, I went to God and said, “Okay Lord, I’m ready”, silence was my response. It’s a bit cocky to tell the creator of the universe that it’s okay for him to do something. Over the years I’ve been taught a few things that have brought me to my current state of life, which is single and whole.
I was one of those people who would say “I surrender all to you Lord” and then five minutes later follow up by saying “but I like it my way”.
I believe if more women and men embraced this concept of singleness and wholeness, for one there will be happier people on this planet but more importantly there will be less people settling for relationships that aren’t good for them just to not be lonely. I am by far no expert nor a theologian just a woman who has found happiness before marriage and I want to encourage other singles out there. I do not speak for a place where I feel I have “arrived” but from a place of continual learning and growth.
- If God feels that you are ready for something trust that he will let you know.
That lesson was a hard pill to swallow, as I like to be in control most of the time. I was one of those people who would say “I surrender all to you Lord” and then five minutes later follow up by saying “but I like it my way”. Building trust in God’s ability to take care of you, your wants and needs collectively is the first key. We say we trust God with our words but you don’t really learn to trust until you become completely dependent on him. That’s how a parental relationship works; kids are completely dependent on their parents for food, shelter etc., therefore trust is built between you.
“It’s amazing to me that I thought for so long that I was helping myself by not dealing with my issues, I still ended up hurting myself by allowing people to use and abuse me…”
- What is your history?
This one is tricky territory because when you start thinking of bad relationships the enemy will likely slip in here to make you feel bad about past mistakes. It’s important to remember that your salvation/forgiveness is in tact; when guilt rears its ugly head remind it and yourself of your redeemer who is making you new. It’s important to look back on tendencies where you have fallen short or settled. For myself I realized I was drawn to men who I thought needed fixing. They tended to be men without any appetite for a career, men with litigation issues and so on and so on. Like how I worded that? Through prayer and lots of teachings through my home pastors and virtual messages I realized that I had a lot of deep-seated issues. Issues with my self-confidence, my own father and past events. Issues that once God started bringing them to the forefront it hurt more than anything. I am guessing your asking your screen, why would anyone want to go through that? It’s easier for us to bury things and act like they aren’t there but there is beauty in both the process and in the end when you make it through. Pregnancy and birth are the most beautiful things on this planet but also the most painful, so I’ve been told. You have to make the decision to deal with your issues head on and allow God to help you through. It’s amazing to me that I thought for so long that I was helping myself by not dealing with my issues, I still ended up hurting myself by allowing people to use and abuse me. How many people do the same thing by using drugs, alcohol, sinking into depression, all to avoid the pain of dealing with an issue.
These two are heavy areas to deal with this week; I will follow up with a second post with the rest of the steps I took towards my healing and wholeness. I pray that you take a minute to think on the things I’ve written and have a conversation with God and see what areas in your life need to be dealt with and turned over to him for healing.
I thank you Lord, for your healing power and your love. Thank you for choosing us as your sons and daughters. Help us everyday to seek your face more and more. We ask that you come into our lives and take over. Let your will be done, Lord. We give you all the honor and all the praise because it is already yours, in the mighty name of Jesus